


Five times they didn't (and one time they did)

by redbeard



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-27 06:39:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5037760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbeard/pseuds/redbeard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Simon and Baz didn't have sex ... and one time they did.</p><p>Post-Carry On</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blood

**Baz**

There should be a word for the snow in London. Just as smog comes from smoke and fog, the brown sludge that lines the London gutters in December should have a name that describes it better. Smirt. Smudge. Sludge. How could anyone call it Snow?

Snow is bright and white and wondrous. Snow makes me smile, and laugh, and sometimes want to punch it in the face. Snow brings me joy.

There is no joy in London today. Snow (my Snow) is in Scotland looking at the areas where magic is returning after he accidentally sucked them dry. Professor Bunce thinks this will be healing for him. The snow (sludge) has driven the rats underground and I haven't fed properly in days. I nearly bit a student in class today.

Normally after class I'd head back to the flat Snow shares with Bunce, but while he's not there it would just be weird. My own flat is dark and dusty. I cast **_clean as a whistle_** and turn on the lights. 

Music starts up from the bedroom. I hold my wand out and move slowly towards it, trying to be ready for anything. 

It's Nick Cave, _Into my Arms_. It reminds me of Snow. I can't wait for him to be home.

"Miss me?"

He's lying on my bed, wings tucked in neatly but tail lashing behind him. I stand still, drinking in the sight of him before I throw myself across the room. 

"That's a yes, then," he grins when he can talk again. He's well pleased with himself, the smarmy git. 

"Crowley, Snow, you scared me. How did you get in?"

"I told your Aunt I wanted to surprise you. She seemed thrilled."

"She would be. And yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I missed you." I sigh and nuzzle into his chest. He smells delectable, like freshly baked scones. My stomach rumbles. 

"How have you been? Apart from missing me," he says, grinning again. I roll my eyes at him. 

"Awful. Class was dull, and since you left I haven't had a conversation about anything other than macro economics or budget forecasts. And I haven't fed for days. London is terrible for hunting."

"Why don't you just buy some blood?" He asks me. I stare at him. 

"I know you're a moron, Snow, but _really_. Where would I buy blood? The vampire aisle in Tesco's? Do they stock it next to the pixie dust?"

Now it's his turn to stare at me. "You can buy it from butchers," he says. "You have to ask for it, but they've usually got some. Pigs' blood mostly."

"Oh." For a moment I have no comeback. "Why did you never tell me before?"

"I thought you knew!" He protests. 

"How on earth would I know that, Snow? When do I ever frequent butchers?"

"I don't know," he says, flustered. "I just thought - you know, you're a vampire, you'd have these things figured out."

"It's not like I go around talking to the other vampires," I tell him coldly. "They're monsters. They eat people. I've had to figure this out on my own. I'm still figuring it out! This is information which could have changed everything for me, and you never thought to tell me? Crowley, Snow, do you ever stop to think about _anything_?"

Snow looks up at me with big puppy dog eyes. He looks small and sad and his shoulders are hunched. I am annoyed at myself for making him upset and this irritates me further. I close my eyes and count to five. I put my hand on his face. 

"I'm sorry, Simon."

He puts his hand over mine, draws it down and places it around his back. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me, deeply. His tail sneaks around behind me and tickles my neck. 

"I know how you can make it up to me," he whispers, pressing himself against me. 

I want to cry. I pull away, sit on the bed, and put my head in my hands. 

"I can't," I choke. "I haven't fed."

He looks confused, then realisation dawns. "Oh." He says. He grins at me and picks up his coat. "Can you spell my wings invisible? We're going to the butcher."


	2. Blunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon puts his foot in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the amazing comments on the first chapter everyone! Here's another one - I find Simon way harder to write than Baz but I hope you still enjoy it!

**Simon**

It's Tuesday night, and Penny and I are watching _The Great British Bake-Off_. We're sitting at opposite ends of the couch because Penny says my wings keep hitting her in the face. They're making some sort of savoury pie on the telly and it's making me hungry. 

There is a quick knock on the door before it opens. Baz always does this - I'm not really sure why. We've given him a key and it's not like either of us have anything to hide from him. When he opens the door he lets in a draught but also a strong smell of curry, warm and spicy. He's brought dinner. I don't know which I'm happier to see, him or the food. I jump off the couch towards him and promptly trip over my own tail, which makes him laugh out loud.

"Crowley, Snow, you're such a clumsy oaf," he says, amused. He means it affectionately (I think) (I'm still learning to tell the difference).

"Hello Baz! You've brought dinner!" says Penny cheerfully. 

"Very observant, Bunce," he says drily. He puts the bag of food down and heads into the kitchen for plates. Penny bounces up to help him. It's domestic and mundane and everything I never thought I'd have. My two favourite people and me, eating Indian food and watching telly (I never thought Baz would be one of my favourite people, either).

Baz is learning to eat in front of Penny, but he still covers his mouth most of the time. Penny doesn't get it. "I already know you're a vampire, Basil," she says. "What does it matter?" (This does not endear her to Baz.)

Baz and Penny argue about the merits of Elizabethan pronunciation in Shakespearean spells and I tune out, content to just watch them. Penny is blunt and passionate, jabbing her finger at Baz and getting pink around the ears. Baz is in his element, leaning back in his chair and calmly disputing everything she says. The only way I can tell he's excited is that he's forgotten to cover his mouth. I don't know whether he actually disagrees with her or he's just doing it for fun. It's probably both. He's ridiculously handsome, even with his fangs out - his hair flops perfectly over his forehead and he smooths down his impeccably tailored trouser leg with one hand. Looking at Baz has become one of my favourite things to do. I never get tired of it.

Penny has a paper to finish, so Baz helps me with the washing up. Actually, Baz stands behind me while I wash up, holding me tight so that my wings are squished between us, pointing out any time I miss a spot. It's infuriating and I love it. He kisses my neck and distracts me, and I miss more spots, and he delights in telling me how terrible I am at washing up. Sometimes I think we have the weirdest relationship ever (even without the vampire thing) (or the wings and tail thing).

Eventually the washing up is finished, or maybe we're both just too distracted to do any more. Still holding me from behind, Baz pushes me into my bedroom. He spins me around to face him, kisses me hard on the lips and then pushes me backward onto the bed. He kneels over me, straddling my hips. For a moment he sways, like a snake eyeing its prey. Then he strikes. He lunges at me, kissing my throat and chin and cheeks and mouth. I push back into him. His mouth is still warm from the curry but his skin is cool. He squirms on top of me and my wings and tail squirm underneath me and I could stay here in this moment forever. Baz may antagonise me - he may irritate the hell out of me - but he loves me and he wants me and he shows it. It was never like this with Agatha.

Kissing with Agatha was never fire and passion. Kissing Agatha was like watching a sunrise. It was lovely, and special, but it was all about my feelings for her. Her feelings for me never came into it. She never brought them into it. Agatha would never have tackled me, thrown me onto a bed and kissed me all over. Agatha would allow me to hold her gently, and she would look into my eyes, and then I would be kissing her. No wonder I was so terrible at being her boyfriend. I had to figure it all out for myself. 

"Snow?" Baz has propped himself up next to me, and is staring quizically into my face. "Did I lose you somewhere?"

"Sorry, I said, running my hand through his hair. "I was thinking about Agatha."

He sits up, startled. 

"Just, you know - the difference," I begin, but he cuts me off.

"You were thinking about _Agatha_ ," he spits. "Do you often think about Wellbelove when we're together, or was tonight just special? Do you have a list of girls that you think about instead of me? Is that how you handle being with me, but not being gay?"

"Baz, that's not -"

"Actually, Simon, I don't want to know. I thought we had -" he shakes his head. "I must have been crazy to think you could actually love me."

He stands up and walk out. I'm confused. All I know right now is that I've fucked up somewhere and Baz is leaving. Preventing Baz from leaving is the most important thing. I run after him.

"Baz!" I call. He doesn't stop. I follow him to the landing outside, hoping desperately that none of the neighbours will come out and see my enormous red wings. I grab his shoulder. "Baz!"

One of the other doors starts to open and thank Merlin for that, because it prompts Baz to turn around and push me back inside. 

"You absolute _imbecile_!" He shouts. I don't think I've seen Baz lose his cool like this since that night in the forest, the first time we kissed. "Do you _ever_ stop to think about _anything_?" There are tears in his eyes and he's shaking with rage. 

"No! I don't!" I grab him by the shoulders. "I've never had the luxury of thinking! Things happen, and I react! That's how it's always been! And I wasn't wishing you were Agatha, or anyone else. I was thinking how much better I like it with you! I love you, Baz. What will it take for you to believe that?"

Penny sticks her head out of her bedroom and raises her eyebrows at me. The distraction gives Baz a moment to calm down. I can see him counting to five in his head. He does this a lot around me. I shake my head at Penny and she disappears. 

"Why would you say something like that, when we were - like that?" He asks incredulously. "Crowley, Snow, even you could have worked out how that would sound."

"Well it's like you say, I'm an idiot," I say, smiling hopefully at him. "But I'm an idiot who's in love with you. You're gorgeous and annoying and a vampire, and apparently that's what I'm attracted to. I'm sorry I said that. It was dumb. It's just - well, I like being with you more than - more than anything I've ever done before."

Baz shakes his head at me. 

"You're exhausting, Snow. Let's see what's on the telly."


	3. Blight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has something for Baz, but he hasn't really thought it through.

Simon Snow has been texing me all day. 

_11:18 am: Wat time do u finish class?_  
_12:06 pm: I finish @ 4. Do u finish much later than that?_  
_12:53 pm: Do u have much work 2 do 2nite?_  
_1:29 pm: U r coming over yeh?_  
_1:36 pm: Baz?_

I ignore him. Snow's texts are incredibly irritating. Is it too much to ask him to use whole words or punctuation?

_1:45 pm: Baz pls text me back r u ok?_

I wait until my lecture finishes to text him back. _I finish at 6. Yes, I'm coming over. I'll be there at half past. Please learn to punctuate._

_2:04 pm: Ok gr8 cya then :D_

I get to Simon's flat at half six as promised. Bunce is overseas visiting her boyfriend and we have the place to ourselves. I know something is up as soon as I walk in; the place stinks of synthetic vanilla.

"Snow? What is going on in here?"

He's lit candles and stuck them on every surface, which is slightly terrifying since I'm flammable. 

A large jar on the dining table has been re-purposed as a vase and is full of red roses. Underneath the terrible vanilla I detect the smell of something burnt and I hope Snow hasn't attempted to cook.

"Simon?"

He appears from his bedroom, grinning nervously. He's wearing a suit and bow tie, and his wings are all tucked up under the clothes. His tail is visible though, and it's waving around behind him like a monkey's.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey yourself. Simon, what are you doing?"

"I'm surprising you!"

"I won't disagree with you there," I deadpan. "Did you try to cook something?"

He blushes. He's unusually skittish this evening and I can't figure out why.

"I thought it would be romantic. Don't worry," he adds hastily - he must have seen the look on my face. "It didn't work out so I got Chinese food."

"Thank Merlin." 

"Oh, and wine! I bought a bottle of wine," he says proudly. "Let me get you a glass."

He's back so quickly with the wine I think for a moment he's spelled it, until I realise he must have already had them poured in the kitchen.

"Simon," I try again, "what in the name of Aleister Crowley are you doing? Why the sudden hearts and flowers routine? You've never been like this before."

He shrugs. "I wanted to do something nice for you," he says. "Truly."

I raise one eyebrow suspiciously but don't press the point. 

Snow chatters all the way through dinner like a small child who's just been to the zoo for the first time. I know he's up to something. It's infuriating that I can't figure out what. Normally I can see through him like a window. 

We finish eating and I start to take the plates to the kitchen.

"Don't," he says. "I'll do it tomorrow." He stands up and holds out his hand to me. He's actually trembling slightly. Whatever he's got planned, I'm about to find out. I roll my eyes at him and take his hand. He leads me to his bedroom where the candles-and-roses theme continues. He motions to the bed and I sit down. 

Simon clears his throat.

"Baz." he says solemnly.

"Last time I checked."

He's too flustered to notice the sarcasm.

"Baz, I wanted to - that is, um. I think, well, hm."

"Use your words, Snow."

"Sex!" he bursts out. 

I raise one eyebrow at him.

"That's one word, Snow, but I'll admit it's a very interesting one. Can you think of any more?"

"Sorry. It's - Baz, I want to talk about sex. Well, I don't really want to talk about it, I want to do it. With you. If you want."

I have a thousand thoughts, all at once. I'm not sure where to start. I start with the easiest.

"Of course I want."

Simon looks relieved. He stops fidgeting.

I clear my throat. "I never brought it up before because - Crowley, Snow, I hate talking about this stuff. I never brought it up because I didn't want to scare you off. I know you haven't really sorted it out yet. The gay thing. I didn't want to push you."

"You didn't mind?"

"Mind? Merlin, no! I've been in love with you for years. I took for granted that it would end with you killing me. Every day I spend with you is a day I never thought I'd have. I'll take as much of you as you will give me, Snow, and be content."

This is the bit I'm terrible at. Telling him how I feel. I've spent too many years hiding it under cutting remarks and bitterness. Snow is much better at it than me.

"I don't care about the gay thing, Baz," he says. "I'm attracted to you. I'm in _love_ with you. I know that much, and everything else seems pretty irrelevant. When I'm with you I want - I want to bury myself in you. I want to take you into me. And I mean that emotionally, but I also mean that - physically. I've thought about it a lot."

What can I say to that? I stare at him for a moment, savouring his puppy-dog eyes and his goofy grin. Then I jump at him, mauling his mouth with my own. He responds enthusiastically, pushing his hand up through my hair. I run my tongue along the inside of his teeth, feeling his mouth. It's hot and wet and tastes of honey and MSG. I kiss each mole on his face and make my way down his throat. I know it drives him wild when I do that and I want to drive him wild. I want him whimpering, mewling, incoherent. He clutches at my back and I pull back just so that I can tug his stupid jacket off him. His wings spring free and knock over a mug of roses. He doesn't notice. I pull at his tie until it comes undone and am surprised to discover that he has done the same to me and is working on my shirt. Buttons are too fiddly so I tear open first his shirt and then mine and push him hungrily so he is lying beneath me, flushed and golden. I take another moment to drink in the sight of him, gorgeous and shirtless, and get to work on his fly. He moans softly and wriggles out of his pants. His erection springs free, hard and inviting. 

"Condom," I pant, urgently.

"What?"

"Condom," I repeat. "We need one, now."

Simon looks troubled. 

"Do we?"

"Of course we do!" The lust-fever has worn off slightly and I am able to form coherent thoughts. "John, Paul and Ringo, you don't have one, do you?"

"I just thought - neither of us has done this before. We're both clean."

"Just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I'm clean, Snow. I'm a fucking _vampire_."

"Is that ... can you pass that on through sex?"

"I have no idea, Simon, but I'm not going to find out by trying."

"Baz, I'm sure it's fine. I've never heard of anyone being turned by having sex with a vampire before."

"I've never heard of someone having sex with a vampire, _ever_ ," I say. "I don't think they usually live to tell the tale. I'd really like to make you the exception."

"Oh." Simon looks down. "I guess I fucked up again, huh."

I lie down and put my head against his gorgeous, stupid chest.

"No, you didn't," I tell him. "You have just promised me something I've wanted for years and hoped for for months. I can wait another day."

Simon runs his hand through my hair and I close my eyes, feeling his fingers against my scalp.

"Baz?"

"Mm?"

"There's still plenty of other stuff we can do."

I look up at him and grin wickedly.

"What exactly did you have in mind?"


	4. Bug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon doesn't cope well on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the lovely comments and encouragement, they keep me going!

**Simon**

Penny has been away for two weeks now and I’m running out of things to eat. Baz brings food whenever he comes over, but he’s had exams this week and I haven’t seen him. I miss him. I miss the lazy way his hair falls around his face. I miss the way he looks down his long nose at me. I miss the disgusted look he gets whenever I forget my table manners, which is always.

I miss his kisses.

I’ll see him tonight, though. His last exam is today and thank Merlin for that, because he’s been as tense as anything. Not that you can really tell, with Baz. He always looks completely cool (well, almost always). I’ve even caught him practising his bored look in the mirror. He’d be mortified if I told him. I’m saving it for next time he’s a complete tit.

Tonight is still hours away so I grab a dubious-looking curry from the back of the fridge. It’s all right once I’ve microwaved it piping hot. I’m trying to concentrate on my Political Science essay, but all I can think of is Baz. Of seeing him tonight. Of all the things I’m going to do to him.

Last time I saw him I made him shout my name.

Last time I saw him he made me see stars.

Thinking about the last time I saw him is _not_ going to help me to finish my essay. I make a list of things I’m not allowed to think about until it’s done. He’s the only thing on it.

I wait until I hear the alarm I’ve set for six o’clock before I let myself get ready. My stomach lurches as I stuff my tail into my pants. I’ve considered getting it removed, but I think Baz secretly likes it. Or he likes to make fun of it (maybe both) (probably both). I’m feeling a little queasy as I fold my wings under a leather jacket, but I think that maybe it’s just excitement. Assuming he’s not too stressed out after his exam, I have big plans for Baz tonight.

The evening air is cool and inviting on my face. I hadn’t realised I was too hot until I stepped outside. I can hear my stomach give a loud growl. I must be hungry, but all I feel right now is slightly ill. I hope Baz has thought about dinner, but then I think, of _course_ he has thought about dinner. Baz thinks about everything.

Baz opens the door to his flat before I have a chance to knock. He looks amazing in his skinny jeans with his hair falling over his forehead just the way I like it. He’s flushed. He must have just fed. He’s gorgeous and for a moment I just stare at him.

He arches one of his perfect eyebrows at me, but instead of a sneer his lips twitch into a sort of smile. I guess he missed me, too.

“Are you planning to stand outside my door all night, Snow?” he asks softly.

I smile sheepishly at him and step into the flat. I can smell pizza and my stomach growls again. I turn around and Baz gives me that look like he’s about to attack.

“Has anyone ever told you how ridiculously good looking you are, Snow?” he asks when he’s done mauling my face.

“You have,” I say. “All the time.”

“I _am_ remarkably observant,” he grins.

I’ve missed him so much.

He cups his hand behind my head and tilts it back so he can lean in and kiss me. I stand on my tiptoes and push back into him. His mouth is still warm, from the blood, and wet, and inviting. He’s studied kissing me like it’s one of his LSE subjects and he’s excellent at it. I feel a tug below my belly and I know that I’m getting hard. I press myself against him so that he can feel it, too. His jeans don’t hide much and I know he’s as aroused as I am. The warmth in my abdomen spreads out, but my stomach gives another unpleasant lurch.

“What’s wrong?” he frowns.

“Nothing,” I tell him. “My tummy’s a little off. Please don’t stop.”

“Do you want to eat dinner? I got that pizza you like.”

“Fuck dinner, Baz,” I tell him. I have more urgent needs right now – and I don’t think I could eat anything anyway. “I want you.”

He smirks and takes me by the hand, leading me to his bedroom. The lights are dimmed and he has some soft music playing. He sits on the bed and holds my hips so I’m standing in front of him. He pulls my shirt out of my jeans and mouths soft, feathery open-mouthed kisses just above the waistband as he slowly undoes my fly. It’s torture. I love it.

Baz runs his hands along the inside of my jeans, gradually pushing them down, a little at a time. I’m leaning against him, running my hands through his hair. My jeans fall in a puddle around my ankles and I try to step out of them gracefully, but trip over and fall on Baz instead, pushing him back on to the bed.

“Smooth,” he snorts.

My stomach is definitely not ok, but I ignore it in favour of using my new position to kiss Baz. I kick my jeans off my ankles and sit up, straddling him. I unbutton his shirt slowly, kissing each little bit of chest I expose.

Baz gasps when I get to just below his belly button. I finish unbuttoning his shirt and start on his jeans. They’re so tight and I can see him straining against them. I deliberately brush against the bulge as much as possible, just to tease him. I tug them down over his hips. He’s rock hard. He wriggles out of them more elegantly than anyone should be able to. He lifts my t-shirt over my head and my wings unfold above him. He stares up at me. I stare back. I hold myself there, above him, both of us naked and hard and wanting.

He grabs my neck and pulls me onto him and my stomach heaves. I ignore it. He opens my mouth with his tongue and I feel bile rise in the back of my throat. No, no, _no_.

“Snow?” his voice is all concern.

“I just need a minute,” I tell him, focusing on breathing deeply and settling my stomach. It doesn’t work. I run to the bathroom.

“Simon?” Baz calls out. He must be able to hear me throwing up. “Is everything ok?”

I am too busy vomiting to answer him.

I feel his hands, smooth and cool, on my forehead. He holds me gently until I have finished.

“Is everything ok?” he asks again.

I nod, miserably.

“I ate some curry out of the fridge for lunch … I think it had gone off.”

Baz tries to compose himself, but his lip twitches and his shoulders shake and he sits next to me, laughing.

“Is that funny?”

He runs a hand affectionately through my hair.

“My poor idiot,” he says. “Crowley, Snow, you really are the worst chosen one, ever.”

“I’m not the chosen one,” I pout.

“Come back to bed, Simon,” he sighs. “Come and lie down and I’ll get you some water.”

 


	5. Bunce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz has Simon-proofed the perfect evening. What could possibly go wrong?

**Baz**

Tonight’s the night.

Ever since Simon Snow told me he wanted sex, it’s all I can think about. I had to stop seeing him for a week so I could get through my exams (it was the longest week). Tonight I am going to make it happen. I stocked his fridge with Simon-proof meals so that he can’t give himself food poisoning (again).  I’ve explained to him why candles and vampires don’t mix, and was only mean to him twice. I’ve stocked up on all the supplies we could possibly need, in case he forgets again.

Mostly I know tonight’s the night because he texted me to tell me that Bunce wouldn’t be home until tomorrow and to bring condoms. Sometimes there are advantages to Snow’s complete lack of subtlety. I’d never have believed such a poorly spelled text message could turn me on, but there you go.

I arrive at Snow’s door promptly at half six. He’s waiting to open it as soon as I knock, which seems pointless because I have a key.

“Hi,” he says breathlessly.

“Hello yourself,” I say. He’s nervous, and it’s making me nervous. I hold up the pizza boxes.

“I got your favourite.”

He grins and takes the boxes. He makes small talk through dinner and it’s unlike him. When he stands up to take the boxes I grab his hand.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” I tell him. “We don’t have to do anything at all.”

“Oh, I want to,” he says. “I want – I want to –”

The thought of all the things he wants proves too much for him and he yanks me out of my chair, crushing his mouth against mine. He tastes of pepperoni. Heat coils in my belly. I slide one hand around the back of his neck and the other around his torso, under his wings. He wraps both hands around me and pulls me closer, tighter, crushing my body against his. I step backwards, pulling him with me, towards the couch and begin tugging at his clothes.

“Have you fed?” he gasps, kissing my throat. “I went to the butcher today if you – ah!”

I push my hips against his so he can feel the swelling in my pants.

“I’ve fed,” I whisper. He tugs my shirt off and starts on my pants. We pull desperately at each other’s clothes until we’re naked and panting. I throw him on the couch and fall on top of him. His kisses are hot and urgent and I rake my fingers down his side and he shivers. I can feel his erection rubbing against mine and it’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever experienced. His fingers skate gently across my back and dip down into the curve between my buttocks. I gasp.

“Is that all right?” He whispers.

“Yes,” I breathe. “Crowley, yes. _Please_.”

He draws his hand back up, skimming lightly over my hole. I draw a ragged breath. Every nerve ending I have is aflame.

This is it. This is real. Simon Snow is making love to me. I’m making love to Simon Snow. All my Christmases have come at once.

The door opens.

“Simon!”

We both look up, startled. There is absolutely nowhere to hide. Bunce is standing in the doorway. I can’t tell whether she’s horrified or amused. I think it’s both.

“Penny,” gasps Simon, desperately snatching at his shirt to cover us up. “You’re not supposed to be home until tomorrow!”

“No, Simon, I’m supposed to be home today. I crossed the International Date Line so I’m home the same day as I left Ohio. Did you not read the whole itinerary?”

Simon blushes harder, if such a thing is possible, and bites his lip. Penny shakes her head.

“Good trip, Bunce?” There’s no way to make this not awkward so I don’t even try.

“Yeah, great, thanks,” she says.

“Excellent,” I tell her. There’s a very pregnant pause.

“I’ll just go and freshen up, shall I?” She doesn’t wait for an answer before she marches into the bathroom, leaving her suitcases by the door.

Snow looks at me. I look back at him. The corners of my mouth twitch and he snorts. I snigger, and he giggles, and I bury my face in his shaking chest, both of us crying with laughter.

“I can hear you!” Bunce yells from the bathroom. “Just put some damn clothes on!”

Simon kisses me on the forehead, and picks up his shirt.


	6. Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz has a nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the E rating applies :)

**Baz**

"Baz!" I can hear Simon crying out for me. I'm so hungry. 

"No!" I bellow, and everything is pain and nothingness. He needs me but if I go to him now I will kill him. I hold myself back but it’s not enough. I’m going to jump at him and drain him. I am about to pounce when a pair of warm, strong arms close around me and hold me tight.

"Baz," Simon says again, but this time it's softer, gentler, closer. The forest is gone. The teeth are gone. The nothing is gone. I'm shaking but I'm myself again, in Simon's bed, in Simon's arms. 

"Baz," he whispers a third time. "It's ok. Just a dream."

"Simon," I whisper back. "I was going to kill you." I concentrate on breathing. In and out. 

"Just a dream," he says again. "Just a bad dream."

**Simon**

I can't sleep, but I'm happy just lying here watching Baz. Asleep is the only time he really lets his guard down. When he's awake he wears suave like it's armour. Sometimes I feel like if I could just spend enough time watching Baz sleep, I'd start to really understand him.

He twitches, and whimpers, and grabs his hair, clutching it so hard his knuckles turn white.

"Baz!" I call out, trying to wake him.

"No!" he shouts, and I grab him and hold him tight. "Baz," I say again. "Baz. It's ok. Just a dream."

"Simon," he whispers, "I was going to kill you."

He closes his eyes again and I can see him putting his armour back on, but he’s already let me in. Baz jokes about biting me all the time and I think I understand why, now. He's terrified that one day he will. It's easy to forget that Baz sees himself as a monster, an object of terror and disgust. I clutch him a little bit closer. If he can't love himself then I'll have to love him enough for both of us.

"Just a dream," I soothe. "Just a bad dream." 

**Baz**

Snow holds me like I’m precious, and whispers soothing nothings. He strokes my hair and for a moment I just let him. It feels nice. I roll over and kiss him gently.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“You didn’t,” he smiles. “I was watching you sleep.”

“You can’t Edward Cullen a vampire.”

He doesn’t take the bait.

“I like watching you sleep. It’s the only time you let your guard down.”

I shiver.

“I could kill you if I ever let my guard down,” I remind him. “I nearly did.”

“There’s no point thinking about all the ways we could have killed each other.” He smiles hopefully at me. “I still can’t believe we’re both here, and alive, and _together_.”

**Simon**

Baz’s eyes are grey and serious. I feel so many things at once. My heart aches for him. I wish I knew how to make him see how brave and funny he is. I’m also thrilled that just this once he has let himself be vulnerable for me. I’m also horny as fuck. I go with the last one.

**Baz**

Snow pulls me closer and kisses me fiercely. He is pressed up against me and I can feel his erection growing against my leg. The residual traces of nightmare flee as endorphins rush through my system. Snow’s method of comforting me may be crude, but it’s bloody effective.

He pushes me on to my back and rolls on top of me. He gently bites my tongue and draws himself down, kissing along my jaw and down my throat. His chest rubs against my erection and I shiver. I want him. I need him. I need him _now_. I put my hands on his chest – _stop_ – and he looks at me with those blue eyes, searching, questioning –

**Simon**

Baz puts his hands on my chest as if to stop me.

“Are you ok?”

“I want you,” he whispers. “I need you, Simon Snow. Inside me.”

My cock throbs in anticipation.

“Are you sure?” He’s just had a nightmare. He’s vulnerable right now, even if he won’t admit it.

He nods.

“Please, Simon.”

I run my hand down his smooth chest. Around his slender hips. Under his perfect cheeks. I run my fingers lightly through his crack, skimming over his opening. He gasps. I catch his eye and he knows what I want.

“ ** _Slip ‘n’ Slide_** ,” he murmurs and my fingers are slick and wet. I run my finger around his tight ring and he moans gently.

He’s produced a condom from somewhere and his hands tremble as he rolls it on to me. The friction sends shudders through my pelvis. He’s relaxed and opening and I slide one finger in to the first knuckle –

**Baz**

My breath catches as Simon slips his finger into me. It feels so tight and _right_ and I’m desperate for more. He pulls out a little and then slips it in further and I moan again. I can’t help it. He pushes in two fingers, so gently, and I see stars. He works his fingers, stretching me, and I feel, I know –

**Simon**

“ _Now._ ” It’s a command, and I obey. I pull his legs up around my hips and _push_ –

**Baz**

Everything is Simon Snow. I can’t tell where I end and he begins. All I feel is him and me.

**Simon**

He surrounds me. I fill him. He’s mine. Right now there is nothing but us.

**Baz**

Simon pulls out of me, gently, and pushes back in a little harder. He rocks his hips and I guide him with my knees. We move together. We breathe together. My cock is caught between us and his belly pulls it with every push. The heat coiling in my belly is getting tighter with every thrust.

**Simon**

The shudders turn into sparks and the sparks turn into flame. We’re panting in unison. Baz’s muscles contract around me. The flame turns into fireworks.

**Baz**

Heat blooms in my groin and rushes out through my limbs. Snow cries out and I feel him shuddering inside me. He slips out of me and my legs go limp. He collapses on top of me, sweating and panting.

**Simon**

Baz’s chest is cool and smooth. I listen to his heart thumping. I feel his hands running through my hair. I kiss his chest and he shivers.

“All right?” He asks me softly.

 “All right,” I whisper. “You?”

He grins and kisses the top of my head.

“Not bad,” he says, “for a first attempt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all, folks! Thanks for all the love - and there's more Simon and Baz coming soon ...


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